The E Train

So, four friends embark on a day trip to New York to eat, shop and laugh. How many "aha" moments have you had with your girlfriends where at the end of an outing, you know that you have a major choice to make?

Tracey, Jennifer, Evelyn and Coco hopped on the megabus early one Saturday morning, to enjoy Evelyn's birthday. The day had actually started at 9:00 friday night.

On Friday, Evelyn should have been going out to dinner, or a movie, or anything with the man she has loved for the last 13 years. But, when Jennifer and Coco called her, she was still at home. She was at home sitting in her room crying and he was on the couch sleeping with the children.

So Jennifer and Coco told Evelyn to put on her sexiest dress, her highest heels and fix her hair and walk out the motherfucking door. Leave his sleepy ass right there on the couch. Evelyn was very apprehensive, so we gave her a choice. Do what we say or we are coming over. And what we mean by coming over: is a clean up crew will have to be hired for the home, a tow truck will be needed for his car and an ambulance will be needed for his ass.

NOW, let me back track and say that Evelyn, Coco, Jennifer and Tracey are grown as hell. But let a man treat a real friend like shit, she dumb out for a moment and we revert back to 18 immediately. Nothing like scarring a man back to reality.

So, four friends get to NY, grab a tourist subway map and hop on the E train downtown for some bargain shopping. The conversation was not a "leave your man, he ain't shit" convo. It was a "you too old, beautiful and intelligent to endure the bullshit anymore" convo.

Tracey, the quiet one, put in her five cents and said "nothing like a little silence to get the juices flowing." We all shake our head in agreement. This was a self love convo, not a man bashing one. This was a sister friendtervention that lasted six stops. And when the doors of the non-pissy, air conditioned E train opened up at Canal Street, four friends stepped out to embark on the world with several decisions already made.

This is just a little reminder that sometimes you have to step outside of your zone, enjoy a bus ride, several cocktails, a bull ride and good friends in a 36 hour period to put things all back into perspective.


"This is sincerely dedicated to one of my besties, who needed a reminder that she is still worth the effort and that I am here to remind her!!"

Sasha Lior

sashalior@gmail.com


P.S.

Evelyn didn't go home friday night, she went home just before we departed to get on the megabus for a quick shower and hair primping. The look on his face said it all. His only question was "Did you have fun?"

Her answer was "Yes!" and then she exited the house!!!

Am I Good Enough??

Why do women secretly ask themselves this question daily? Am I good enough to be relevant to him? Am i good enough to get that promotion? Am I good enough to make it into that "in crowd".

When we will ever be good enough? When will we holistically love ourselves? Even the strongest of us has had to ask ourselves: Am I good Enough?

I recently went to the movies to see one of those "black fantasy movies where there is a gorgeous guy, a beautiful girl, a married older couple", and they are getting married. There are so many single women out here, that I sat in the movie theater and I swear I could read minds.

The first question is, "Why can't I meet some great guy that happens to be fine as hell and he be willing to think I am good enough to put a three carat rock on my finger?" So what do we do?

We go out and get long ass hair weaves, fake eyelashes, put on pounds of makeup daily and squeeze into what we think is the outfit that will catch him. Longing for that relationship where you have a mutual respect for each other to endure the trials of the future and the decisions of the past, may come quicker than you want it too. I had a conversation with a woman the other day who said that it took seven years for her to find her third husband. She prayed and prayed and prayed and finally instead of waiting for God, she went out and found her perfect soulmate. (She thought!!!) What happened was, he ended up destroying her credit, breeding children outside of the relationship and was actually married to someone else in another country.

I pray for my friends to have great relationships daily. I want women who deserve it to have the fulfilling relationships of their dreams. Now who deserves it. Is it everyone? Hell No? It is for those true believers, those who put the time and effort into that relationship. Those who are willing to sacrifice in the name of love.It is not for those that think that a man should come in and do absolutely everything and you do nothing in return. You feel because you are pretty and look good on his arm, you should have that fairytale.

Now the reality is that there are a lot of woman out there who are into this mantra. I know of a woman who lost a good husband, broke up her home and destroyed their credit, all because she was not willing to play her part when the times got hard. Now, she lives in two bedroom apartment, claims unemployment and does whatever she has to just to, to get by. Now I think her statement is "I am to good"!!!

I am not passing judgment on those who "Got it like that". I am just saying. It is give and take. I am tired of looking at all of these unsuccessful relationships because both parties don't play their part. Am I a relationship Guru? No!! But I am a great observationist. I listen to my surroundings all the time. I hear the stuff that women say and alot of it is similar.

I believe that before we start wondering if we are good enough for him, we need to make sure that we are good enough for ourselves. Don't place all of the responsibility on him and his excepting terms. Are you good enough using your own standards?

Sasha Lior
The Sasha Chronicles
"Coming Soon"

I Left My Checkbook At Home!!!

Ladies,

This story here may make the hairs on your neck stand up!!!

Jolene left her husband to move into a fabulous condo in downtown Charlotte. Herman and Jolene had been married for 14 years when one day Jolene woke up and realized that her marriage was not what she wanted it to be. Her husband had fallen into a daily routine of work, home, fifteen minutes of sex and off to bed. Everyday Jolene would try to give him little messages about needing more and everyday he would ignore them.

Herman thought that as long as he paid the mortgage on the 4000 square foot home with her Mercedes of choice in the driveway, then he was doing enough. What woman wouldn't be grateful for a husband that provides her with these luxuries. She was a very lucky woman. Her only job was to make sure that dinner was prepared and ready every night and that she pleased him when necessary.

Now, Jolene was a teacher in the local school system. Everyday she would show up to work in her designer goods, her Mercedes and expensive smelling perfume. She loved teaching. She loved helping little girls realize their dreams. However, there was a very lonely woman lying deep within. She had plenty of admirers. One of which, was the school security guard. He fancied her so much, he would occasionally leave flowers, cards and candy on her desk some mornings. She knew he lusted after her but in the back of her mind all she could think about was the income variations and the look of it all. How would it look for a woman of her caliber to date a security guard.

So, in a hasty mood one day, Jolene decided to step out on faith and tell Herman she no longer wanted to be in the marriage. She wanted to try a separation. She wasn't getting what she needed from Herman and that she just needed some time. She decided to do something different. She moved out and found a fabulous loft condo in downtown. It made her feel young and invigorating.

Then, as if luck would have it, she met Michael. Michael was a young principal. He was tall, masculine and fine. She took to Michael immediately. The best part was that he could handle himself in the bedroom exceedingly well. It was her pleasure to see him at the end of a workday, cook him a fabulous dinner and then suck him off properly.

The Catch!!!

Michael of course is married. After he leaves Jolene, he goes home to his wife every night. Jolene was fine with it initially.

Then, one month Jolene splurged to much and had a conference she needed to attend. She decided to try Michael's hand and see how much he was willing to give. After all she cooked and gave him good loving almost daily. So, her plan of attack would be the next day after they made love and she made sure that she went that extra mile while giving him head.

She got the answer that she wanted. Michael told her that he would bring her the money on the next day. Jolene was all giddy with excitement about how much he would give her and what she would do with the extra money. When the next day finally came, Michael came into the condo with a huge smile on his face. He was excited to see her and she was excited to see him. He hugged her and reached down in his pocket and pulled out a crisp one hundred dollar bill and handed it to Jolene.

Jolene gasped as she wondered was he joking. A hundred dollars? She asked him was that all? His response, "Baby, I left my checkbook at home!" She was leaving the next day and would not be able to see him before so she sucked it up (literally) and called it a night.

Three months have passed since then. She has asked Michael to help with her rent, car payment, groceries and personal items. He has only given her a few hundred dollars each time with the same excuse. "I left my checkbook home!" 

However, she has not altered her schedule, of giving him everything he wants. She still cooks for him and pleases him sexually whenever he wants.

The good news is that he has planned their first trip together. She is accompanying him on a weeks conference next month. I guess good things do come to some women.

Sasha Lior
The Sasha Chronicles
sashalior@gmail.com
Twitter: @sashalior

The Decisions She Made!!

How is it that in the beginning of a relationship a woman believes that she has met her solemate or someone that she can stand still with for as long as it exists, and then the next minute realize that she should have made a better choice. How many of us do this? Day in and day out I hear stories about making better choices.

I read an astrology book that said that people born on my day have a problems with letting the past be the past and remembering to look forward and accept your previous choices. I had to think about that for a moment. As I sat on the train the other day and ear hustled another great conversation between two friends, I realize that it is okay to live with the fact that I made certain decisions.

Now what??

Now it's time to make better decision. The old saying is "Patience is a Virtue"!!! I think that if we were to sit still longer and just be still, making a better choice might be clearer. In the course of a day I know that I have at least 1000 different thoughts. I think about stories, vacations, shoes, clothing, gossip and what is on my list for the day. And, those are just off the top of my mind currently. When do you have a moment to clear your mind and decide that this is the right decision for you?

The Right Decision

So, you made a decision that this is Mr. Right based off the fact that he is a good person. He smells good all the time. He can do the damn thing in the bedroom. He hangs around with the right crowd. He is very complimentary. He seems to have the right relationship with his family. Who wouldn't want this man?

And then you get deeper into the relationship and realize that there is more than meets the eye. The first thing is that you haven't actually seen him interact with his family. All you do is hear phone conversations and you listen to him explain all these situations about how he has to do everything for the family or else it would fade. He looks like the hero which makes for reason to get even deeper. Time passes and because you are a woman who has her own things going on, you realize that you and he only spend time together in certain places and certain times. (Your internal flag goes up but you still continue)

Months go by and then one day you decide that you want a more serious situation. You want the relationship to elevate to the next level. You want to be more involved in his life and then that moment of truth happens. He starts to respond in the opposite manner in which you thought he would. He starts to think of you as being clingy and to dependent. Then he hits that absolute no no and tells you that "you are starting to act regular" like all the other girls.

So what is your response. You go over and over your actions to figure out if you made the right move. Did you push to far? Are you really that girl?

Every woman has to make a decision as to whether or not he was her Mr. Right. And most likely in one lifetime, there are three Mr. Wrongs for every Mr. Right. Or who we think is going to be Mr. Right. So for now ladies let's not beat ourselves up for the decisions that we make or our friends make. Matters of the heart is no easy burden.

For those of you who have found their Mr. Right and have made that decision, congratulations. For those women who are still searching and have that decision to make, keep pushing forward and trust your instincts.


Special Thanks to all the women who allow me to ear hustle their conversations.

Sasha Lior
sashalior.blogspot.com

Dream On

I met a woman today who had no aspiration to make any more money than her current salary. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t comprehend it. I stood there looking at her waiting for more. I wanted her to say I am joking, I want so much more out of my life. But nothing, there was nothing. She just looked at me with that blank stare that makes you uncomfortable and so all you can do to break the ice is say something funny. “I went outside to shovel the snow the other day, fell backwards and came back inside. Suffice it to say, I was unsuccessful.” From that I turned around and walked back to my desk/office/cubicle.

I sat there wondering, how in the hell can you make $40,000 a year and be happy with that. Like what about the things that you want to do that require a little more? What about taking those yearly vacations with your lovie or your yearly girlfriend trip? What about just saying we are not going to cook tonight, let’s go out to dinner? I had to think back to previous conversations that we had. I then thought about her personality. She is always stressing out about not being able to buy anything new for herself or her home. She spends a lot of her time budgeting her money.

She has two young children. I asked her how often she took her children on vacation and she looked at me and said (very proudly I might add), they have been to Disney world and to Myrtle Beach. And again, as I stand here and wonder is that all, I realize that she is content. She has decided to be content with the fact that she earns just enough to stay above water, but not enough to really live life. What’s makes the story even more interesting is that her husband has been making the same amount of money for the last fifteen years. I guess the saying is true, “Birds of a feather flock together”.

I am left to wonder, “How many women live like this?” You mean to tell me that in this blue collar city I live in, people are so content to just keep their heads above water and not aspire to much more. How can a woman be content with that? How can you teach your children to be content with that? How can I even carry another conversation on with you knowing that this is your mentality? You mean you don’t fantasize about things you see in a magazine, or shoes you saw in a store window, or a dress you saw at a department store?

I can’t wrap my finger around it. I don’t even know if I can respect it. It is a hard pill for me to swallow. Every fiber in my being wants to grab her, hold her hostage and reprogram her brain into believing that she should want more. Mediocrity is soooooooooo overrated. I want her to attain a little more drive and go after more. But again, that would mean me dreaming for someone else.
I will dream big for her and hopefully one day (the near future I promise) she will look back at out short time together and realize she should dream big and dream more.

I will hold down dreaming for all of you who have given up and become content!!

S.L.

Sashalior.blogspot.com

P.S.

Before I posted this, I went back to have another conversation with this woman, only to find out that she does take a yearly girlfriend vacation to the same place every year. When I asked her why they don't deviate and try new islands, she says that the small island she visits is just enough for her comfort zone. (I may have a lot of work to do with this one!!)

What are you waiting for?

I have been having conversations with my friends lately, and I realize that all of us are randomly waiting for something. Why? Why are woman always waiting for something. Are we waiting for the right time to wear that special outfit or pair of shoes? Are we waiting for the right time to make a move on our jobs? Are we waiting for the right time to speak to someone about a particular topic at a particular time? We are waiting for those shoes or that purse to go on sale? We are waiting until next payday to pay that bill. We will wait until our car is getting ready to cut off before we go into the gas station.

So here it is!!!

The big wait!!!

We are waiting for our Mr. Right. Some of us are waiting until our Mr. Right pops that right question!!!

In the history of time, I feel like there are certain disadvantages of being a woman. We are always contemplating, negotiating and surrendering to certain things. Now we are adding another ing to our burden. Waiting!!!! Well hell, I am tired of waiting. Is it to much for me to tell you what I expect when we meet, that way we can get everything out in the open at once? Will you feel overwhelmed? Will you play me off because you don't like my directness? Should I wait?

Should I wait until I feel that you are comfortable enough to really be myself? Can you take my loudness? Can you take my honesty? Can you take the fact that I know exactly what I want to accomplish?

Should I wait?

Should I wait to tell you how I feel about you until you tell me first? I could fucking scream with all this damn waiting. (I want it all and I want it now!!!!)

So this my message to whomever it concerns:
 To whom it may concern, my name is Sasha Lior. I am a Leo, I am a writer, blogger, entertainer and all around fun girl. I want to be understood by those around me. I want to add value to every relationship that I encounter. I want to be relevant. I want to be heard, loved, feared, admired and adored. I want my friends to bring me gifts on my birthday, I want flowers just because and I want vacations because you know that it is necessary.

I want to be your one and only. I want to be the first person you see in the morning and the last person you kiss at night. I want to be in love with you until the end of time. I want you to want me everyday. I want you to rub my feet because you can tell I had a long day. I want you to understand that I am a strong, independent and determined woman and that I will let you lead. I don't want you to judge me, I want you to love me for who I am and I will return the favor.

Lastly,
I want my three, four or five carats that you can place gently on my left hand, fourth finger and not because I am demanding it, but because I am worth it. I want you to know that I will not wait 14 years to get it. I want to walk down that aisle and meet you at the end. I want to dance the night away with you and live happily until we can't get along anymore.

So as I sit here and write this, I want to take a stand against waiting. Ironically enough, I am waiting for my coffee as I am writing this!!!!

Sasha Lior
sashalior@gmail.com
sashalior.blogspot.com

La La Land

So I just had a thought. If we couldn't escape the reality of our lives either on a daily, weekly or monthly basis, than what would be the point. If I couldn't dream about my perfect universe then why dream. My dream universe would mean me getting up everyday, taking a long walk on the beach before my kids get up, coming back home to my beach house and making breakfast for my family, sending everyone off for their day, sitting with my freshly delivered Starbucks caramel and french vanilla mocha and a croissant (or chocolate donut, one that disappears and never lodges itself to your thighs), opening my laptop and writing something brillant everyday.





I could be writing articles, reviews, business plans, marketing plans, proposals, blogging, tweeting (my obsession) or working on my next book. Contrary to popular belief, I have a lot going on up there. At any given time, I may have a tv episode, mini movie, lifetime story or an actual movie playing in their.





My secret passion an obsession is writing and fashion.





So, my modern day La La Land is that I won't settle. I won't settle for just mediocre. I want it all. I want the husband, the beach house, the kids, the business and the author ending. I work hard daily. I work at achieving La La Land everyday.





My ex's father and my son's grandfather said to my brother recently that the reason his son and I didn't work out was because I wanted the glamorous life and that I was living in La La Land. Well my response to La La Land is that I want to be treated like I am the only thing that matters in the world to him. I want him to work as hard as I do about whatever his passion is.





I have already mentioned my perfect universe so all he needs to do is incorporate and fall into plan. I didn't say I wanted someone rich to just pay for my life. (I mean that would be great) But, do I want to eat out three to four times a week? Yes! Do I want five vacations a year? Yes! Do I want to live my life to the fullest while being in love? Yes!





Yes!Yes!Yes! I want La La Land and I won't stop until I get it. You shouldn't either!!!

The Sasha Chronicles

sashalior.blogspot.com

Where is my MR. BIG?

Who isn't secretly obsessed or pretending that they are carrie or one of the other ladies in the Sex and the City series. If we start from the beginning, we follow the relationship with big. Did it leave you looking back on your past relationships. Every woman or at least every woman I know has had a Mr. Big in their lives. Now, it may seem that this is unreal, but it is true. We may not have the Mr. Big who lives in New York City, has a great job in investments, wear Prada, Gucci and Dolce and Gabbana suits, has his own driver and has that naughty but sneaky but still a fabulous great smile. If only life could be that grand.

Let me take you to my Mr. Big. My Mr. Big was from New York. We fell in love at college. It was that crazy, addictive, "I can't believe that I did that shit" love. It was obssessive, compulsive, I need to have it every day love. That, when we were mad everyone else knew because it's not just our worlds that were colliding, everyone else we know could feel the magnitude of the collison. Friends would come to me in class and say, "please come and talk to him because he is not right." He won't eat, talk or go to class. He parents would call me to try and work it out.

There were days when I couldn't get out of bed if we werent talking. Remember the episode of Sex and the City when Carrie and the girls went to a ball game, she had just broken up with Big and she was out of it. The look on her face was priceless. I remember that look. I have had that look on my face several times.

Does this all sound to familiar.....

You know the guy that comes and goes back and forth in your life. It's not like you sit and wait for him to come back and forth, but for some reason that doors just stays open and he comes back and forth anyway. You wonder to yourself and say out loud to your girlfriends, I am a great, smart, funny, attractive, hard working and a very self sufficient person. Why can't he commit, why won't he marry me? Why can't he get it together? You allow him to come back and forth because deep inside you think, wish and pray that one day he will blink and realize that you are that great, smart, funny, attractive, hard working and a self sufficient person that he needs to be with.

You allow your Mr. Big to exist because the sex is amazing, or amazing enough that you think about so often that you can't wait to see him again. You allow him to exist because you love the way he always smells and the way he dresses and the way he smiles. You allow him to exist because he makes you laugh, he makes your curse, he makes your crazy, he gives you that orgasm every single time and you allow him to stay because he makes you feel complete.

On to the new Mr. Big or the Mr. Big right now....

Now, what I want and what every woman wants is the Mr. Big that carrie had in Season Six, part II. The Mr. Big that saves the day on the last episode and tells Carrie that she is the one. Am I asking for two much? All I want, 6'4", handsome physique, good in bed, knows how to cook, knows how to massage my feet, brings me flowers and treats me like he loves me. When he looks into my eyes I know without question that I am the most important thing in his life. Now, if a driver comes with it and a nice new york apartment than I am all for it.

Some person reading this chronicle entry is laughing out loud at the sheer thought of really wanting to be rescued by their ideal Mr. Big. Some women who have already found them are laughing at the few of us that are left in singletown still waiting and believe that this is not the way that we should expect to get them. Some women are thinking to themselves, these girls need to get their heads out of the clouds because it will never happen.

Well to all these lovely woman, I have to say that if I can keep a house, cook a mean meal, perform some great tasks where we lay and bring home a great addition to the bottom line, then yes I want it all. And, I will not remove myself from LaLa Land up in the clouds to please any of you. We want our Mr. Big and I will not stop until he rescues me.

Until next time.......

The Sasha Chronicles

I know some people have criticisms about my language, the fact that some words are missing or that this post cannot be reproduced for the new york times. Let me just say that I appreciate your comments and suggestions and I hope you continue to read these shorts with me. Enjoy the ride!!!